Thingy

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Deus EX perfect? MY ARSE!

Ok so bare with me on this. Here’s a moan about a perfect game or games.

Now they will be about the games I will call the best they are at what they do. Well in my eyes anyway.

What’s gonna be the first up in my eyes?

Well its critically acclaimed shooter

Deus EX

This game has a load of problems with it, but is perfect and one that don't have to many trying to be it. Why I do not know. It had a sequel that was not as bad as people say (there are worse RPG/FPS games out there). Its a really good game in its own right and a third in making, but I know little about it apart that my PC wont handle it. Ok this is about the first.

To give you a idea about the game and why its good in one sentence its like this -

Mod your self up, read objective, do it how ever you want, the more you play the more things you find to do.

Sounds great huh?

You can read reviews that talk about what’s great about it so here is what’s I hate about it.

There are going to be spoilers in this post for the game, but if you haven’t played it yet go and play it now.

The PS2 version.

They tried, oh boy they tried, but the PS2 lost some things (like the controls) and gain some others (annoying loading times). Its a good thing to start with, but feels a bit enclosed and not as open as the PC version. Still worth checking out.

The lack of pad support.

I don't know why they can't just let you use one, but a game like this isn’t really suited to a pad. Still my half pads half game control’s would be great for it.

The story.

Not one of its strongest points. As a matter of fact its flat and been done before.

Death seems to come all to easy.

Ok this is meant to make it a bit more realistic, but on easy?

Getting tranquillised.

This is really annoying. It does not effect the CPU like it does the player. Heck the CPU can keep shooting that crap into you while you try to shoot back.

Quick save

This is a game breaker. You can do a quick save at any time as soon after the other as you want. This can take out some of the risks in experimenting and experimenting is what this games all about. Add in a save anywhere any time thing and its ruined.

None of your decisions effect the out come of the game.

Ok so threw out the game you can make decisions about what to do.(like on the first bit you can tell Gunter to stay put or give him a gun to kill people). Nothing else really happens. It is not talked about at all afterwards.

The last bit of the game.

You slog all the way threw, make loads of decisions and at the end its all down to doing one of three things to see the end and it all feels a bit rushed.

Some of the voice acting.

Ok Annas voice made me have a special feeling, but we’re talking lame here. At least there was now annoying ones. It was just more wooden than a lumber yard.

The soddign name.

“Deus EX” Bloody rubbish. Why the “EX?” Sounds like people are trying to say “Do ya sex”

So there you have it. Damn fine game with a load of flaws. Do they spoil it?

Do they smeg

And in closing ill just leave this here

Kinecting the spam

Wow to early moans in the past few weeks. This is mainly because I have been in the mood earlier than usual. So what’s got me “Getting my moan on” this week to the extent that I am doing it early?

Well its the following.....

Ok so the Kinect is out soon. Excited for it? I tell you what it looks promising. If you are blind, but if you are blind what are you doing reading this? (unless its the future and this is a brail screen)Well that is if you have the room for it and looking at my small council flat I don't. Well its not like I was gonna buy it anyway, but what it a new bit of hardware with out games? I tell ya what it is “Useless”, but what are these games that will make us have to move our furniture to play it? Well here it is THE LIST OF DRED and it seems to be THE LAW that they fill it up with the kind of crap that was out on the Wii about five years ago.

• Kinect Adventures (Good Science Studio/Microsoft) – You know the one that uses that shitty little boat? THIS IS IT! Off to a good start then

• Kinectimals (Frontier/Microsoft) – Nintendogs the full version only with a Tiger to show kids that Tigers make good pets.

• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 The Video game (EA/EA Bright Light) – The trend that is Harry potter is not dead yet. Just festering in sell out heaven

• Dance Central (MTV Games/Harmonix) – Gamespam its arse anyway.

• Your Shape: Fitness Evolved (Ubisoft) - For people that live in dodgy neighbourhoods that want to get fit. THIS IS FOR YOU!

• The Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout (THQ) – To easy. NEXT!

• Kinecting pornstar (LulZ inc) – DERP!

• EA Sports Active 2 (EA Sports) - Piss off EA

• Zumba Fitness (Majesco) – Why not make it “Zombie fitness”? Think about it. You are the zombie trying to stop your limbs from falling or getting shot off. Dodge those bullets (inc bullet time)

• Get Fit With Mel B (Black Bean Games/Lightning Fish) – Lets face it. She needs the money

• DanceEvolution (Konami) – Why Konami? MAKE A NEW GEOMON GAME!

• Dance Paradise (Mindscape/Smackdown Productions) – More acting like a prat on camera

• Kinect Sports (Rare/Microsoft) – Oh Rare. What have you become? You have lost what made you great.

• MotionSports (Ubisoft) – Whoopee a sports game. How unique.

• Sports Island Freedom (Konami/Hudson Soft) - Well at least it isn’t a forced motion Bomberman.

• Kinect British isles sports – Ok I come up with this one, but why no games based on our odd sports? Chase the Cheese would be hard to do

• Kinect Joy Ride (Big Park/Microsoft) – Will it come with a “hotwire ya own ride” option?

• Fighters Uncaged (Ubisoft) – Or the one that might end up in a punch up if your both drunk.

• Sonic Free Riders (Sega) – Look something that is different

• Crossboard (Konami) – Oh wait maybe not. Ok this is snowboarding.

And lastly

Game Party in Motion – Saved this one till last as it has a list of other games on it. Notably these...

• Darts – Note you don't have to look like a darts player to play. Id be interested to see how this works. What with being somebody that plays darts (not very well).

• Horseshoe Hysteria – Id prefer the noble sport of Welly Wanging.

• Root Beer Tapper – TAPPER!! Teach your kids to pull pints from the safety of your own home. Ok maybe not. Strange that this is the only game in this entire line up that I wouldn’t mind playing.

There you have it. Its a line up alright. A line up of shit and that’s not a nice line up un less you are a scat fan. If you are you are one sick werido (note I didn't mean the music type of scat). As far as “Motion control’s” go it certainly isn’t a moving line up for those of us that like a little depth to our games. Or a story of sorts. Heck even Pong had a story line (Left player is being tormented by the right and is trying to get his revenge by batting a spiky ball at him), but these games? NONE!

Not even a simple one. Heck the only game for it that looks interesting is that “Child of Eden” and the best thing is IT CAN BE PLAYED WITH A PAD!. There was also a announcement of Steel Battalion for it.

Yeah right.

From 30 buttons and a man sized controller to NONE and fannying about in mid air pretending to be piloting a mech.

Screw you Capcom. Make a decent sequel and some way of using that manly controller on the 360.

The Kinect is going to be like the Wii. Fun for a short while, but where are the decent games? Heck WHERE ARE THE ONES THAT CANB BE CALLED “GAMES”?

Also I saw that on Opreah (don't watch it only read about it)she gave them away to her “Fans” they will probably the worst people to give a bit of tech to as they will probably be the type of people that don't own a 360. Or know how to wire one up. So they will be seen down the pawn shop flogging it off. Bit like the rest of them in a few weeks .

TL;DR

Buy it this is the games thing for somebody with the attention span such as yours

Copy pasta

Medal of Honor the new one till the next then?

Look at the box art thingy

Now look at the posters for Duke Nukem Forever

Runing out of ideas EA? Or are you trying to copy the awsomeness that is Dukes arse that you can kiss when this game comes out (finally)

Ye Legende of ye Moaning sod

Ye Legende of ye Moaning sod

Long ago there existed nothing. Just a empty space. This space was soon to be filled up like a virgin taking her first bit of action, but unlike her it was to be filled up with crap. Like the mentioned crap, this crap is like a Wii games display in somewhere like Game. There is lots of bad crap and little good crap and a few black-holes that suck. One tiny insignificant part of this space will soon be taken up by a planet called “Earth” this is the place where lots of shit happens. Where a race of beings called “Homosapains” (some more homo than others) that evolved from slime (some still are slime) and decided that some will be arseholes to each other. Said arsehole probably got into shit for it and probably ended up as shit in the ground when they died. In ide them all something was crawling inside. Something that is still there to this day.

Skip forward a few thousand years as most of the rest of them had to much shit to list. To the 80s a decade full of shit. Some good shit (Atari 2600 yo) some bad shit (some of them songs) and at the end of the first year of that decade of shit I was born I am still unsure if I am good shit or bad shit.

That thing mentioned in the last paragraph is also inside me.

It crawls round inside.

It is that being that comes out in the words of this here blog.

That thing is

Ye Moaning sod

A being of hostility to all things rubbish and annoying in games and life. He wants them to stop, but it is a never ending quest as he will always find something new to complain about.

He is described as a large troll like being with hair that dangles like a shredded shower curtain. With what looks like the bristles of a paint brush on his chin. His fashion sense is like the decade he is from. He is normally a nice bloke, until he “Gets his moan on” then you don't wanna be round him as shit will fly.

Ok just the words. A load of words. Some times pictures

Ch-ch-ch-changes

About time I got my arse in gear and changed the look of this site.

Why wood?

WOOD IS GOOD!

Plus it looks like I am in a shead

Thing of the moment

I was really not in the mood for gaming shit like this, but here I go.

Remember when Microsoft said "No controller for Kinect"?
Well here is something that is just the thing that they siad was not going to be done, but some faggy little third party comapny went and did it anyway for shites and money.

A soding dingy for those with no dignity

What the red ring of satan after he has pooped out some razor wire is this shit? Well there blurb says the following.....

Game Boat™ is de facto the first accessory for the
peripheral which doesn't need any. The first product in the Play On™ line-up brings the entertainment of Kinect Adventures™ game out of the tv set, directly in your living room! Game it Real™ ! With this real-size replica of Kinect Adventures™'s awesome dinghy .
Size: 150 x 150 cm. Ideal to comfortably play in 2 gamers simultaneously, still without being clumsy in the living room.
Easily inflated in a few minutes through the practical pump (included). Game Boat™ can also be used in the watyr, at the sea or at the pool, by children and adults.

They say that I say its one of those cheap arse little inflatables that you can get from those little beach huts or Arogs for a few quid.

You know what they can do with this shite?

DO YOU!

YES YOU DO!

Inflate the boat then go out to sea in a storm and get lost at sea. htis is the type of shite we expect on the Wii not the 360.

If you are curious to want one here is a link to the site for it

But dont come crying to me when your pussy pops the damn thing.

FECK OFF 3D

Okm so I was srcolling threw Showcase cinemas up coming attractions to see if there are any films that I will facny going to see (that place needs a loyalty card) and come accross the following.

AND I QUOTE..

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, NOW IN 3D

Times: 12.00 Midnight
Director: George Romero
Runtime: 96 minutes
Cert: 18

SUMMARY
Ben (Duane Jones) and Barbara (Judith O'Dea) battle constant attacks from dead locals who have been brought back to life by mysterious radiation. The film is about their efforts, along with five other people, to survive the night while trapped in a rural Pennsylvania farmhouse. 'Night of the Living Dead, Now in 3D' is the original version of the 1968 thriller directed by George Romero and is now fully restored and in 3D

(Also realated to the recent Star Wars re-re-re-release news)

Why the fugging smeging Satans sweatty pants in hell are they doing this shite? NOT EVERY FILM SHOULD BE IN 3D!

Do what happend with the recent back to the future and have a normal release. This 3D anal leakage of a cat with gut problems is getting out of hand. WAY OUT OF HAND! STOP IT! Really! Think of those people that where glasses. I don't know how they cope. 3D should of stayed dead back in the 80s. the reason why films like these where good is that they are untouched classics. Heck the film in question was black and while (later coloured in).

Ok people probably felt the same with the Black and white one becoming colour and I still stand by my and loads of others opinion that the black and white version is better. Whats next? HD? With added owl? Kids version (yeah right).

Ok so the midnight showing is a great idea for a film like this (not my local its not a nice aera at 1am), but why 3D? Its becomeing like a cancer. Look at home 3D set ups. You have to remain sitting up right and still. Bollocks to that.

You want to watch it.

Watch it as it was intended.

Ok via Youtube

But dim the lights. Failing that get ya hammer. Or squint